Monday, 30 April 2012

Breaking the Ministerial Code

No 10. = Four doors down from Patrick McGoohan in a surreal cut-off English village where the rest of the country is ignored, misunderstood and shut out

Upper house = the big room along the corridor helping keep old folks out of the cold weather

Lower house = the big room at the other end of the corridor where the school prefects hang out with their fags *

Bill = Act of parliament designed to reduce the freedom of a group of people

Election = Piece of street theatre designed to provide an illusion of choice. Whoever is voted for a politician is always elected.

Transparency = Allowing enough information out to disguise how much is being hidden

Justice = Making sure what we want to happen does happen

Manifesto = Work of fiction intended to make the punters vote for you

We are all in it together = you are all in it together, me and my mates are doing very well thanks

Referendum = Semi-mythical rite which must not be used for anything people actually care about

Expenses = tax free salary top-up

We will fight = A theatrical show of token resistance before caving in

Immigration = the necessary enlargement of working age population so enough tax can be collected after the baby-boomers retire

Lords reform = Method of increasing the hold of the parties over the upper house

Elected Mayors = Method of increasing the hold of the parties over local politics

Elected Police Chiefs = Method of increasing the hold of the parties over the police

Sustainable development = Blight that never goes away but costs vast sums of money to keep sustained

Oh! It’s not that sort of ‘code’?

*used in the sense of skivvies to the elder pupils of course


  1. Ahha - I think you've cracked it. Only one possible variation to your list:-

    Sustainable development = Unsustainable decline.

    Or something like that.

  2. I think it's close AKH. I have in fact cracked another one.

    PMQ - this is the male equivalent to PMT. It causes grown men to screech defiance at one another across the room in loud high pitched voices and make childish braying noises.

    I think that's right.

  3. What do you call it when we grab weapons and go and gun down the bstds at Westminster?